(What to get left in the will of Emily and Richard?)
(An argument between Lorelai and Emily. Dinah? Intercede… Fast!)
(Rory, Lorelai, and Emily are at Friday night dinner.)
EMILY: Tomorrow our lawyer, Joseph Stanford, is coming by.
LORELAI: Ugh. Crazy Sissy’s dad.
EMILY: That’s terrible. Sissy was a good friend of yours.
LORELAI: Mom, Sissy talked to her stuffed animals and they answered her.
RORY: Let’s just start a new topic.
EMILY: Not possible!
LORELAI: She said a new topic, Mom.
EMILY: Everything’s a joke. Everyone’s a punch line.
LORELAI: OK, I’m sorry.
EMILY: My daughter — Henny Youngman.
(Richard comes in late.)
RICHARD: Sorry for that. A little trouble with our China office. Well. What did I miss?
LORELAI: I was being impossible and then I turned into a Jewish comedian.
RICHARD: Ah. Well, continue.
EMILY: Thank you. Where was I?
RORY: Uh, Joseph Stanford is coming tomorrow.
EMILY: Yes. So, Rory, your grandfather and I thought it might be nice after dinner for you to go around the house and pick out what you’d like us to leave you in our wills.
RICHARD: Take a look at that desk in my office. It’s a really fine Georgian piece.
LORELAI: Why don’t I ever bring a tape recorder to these dinners?
RORY: Oh, well, anything you want to leave me is fine.
EMILY: Nonsense. You should have what you like. So look around and when you see something you like stick a post-it on it.
LORELAI: OK, you two have officially hit a new level of weird that even I marvel at.
EMILY: You can pick out things too, you know.
LORELAI: Oh, well now it’s way less creepy.
EMILY: Did you hear that Richard? Apparently we’re creepy.
RICHARD: Yes, well, live and learn.
(The maid comes in with a tray.)
RORY: Oh cool!
LORELAI: What’s that?
EMILY: It’s dessert.
LORELAI: It’s pudding.
EMILY: Well if you knew what it was why did you ask?
LORELAI: You don’t like pudding.
EMILY: Yes, but you like pudding.
LORELAI: Oh, I love pudding. I worship it. I have a bowl up on the mantel at home with the Virgin Mary, a glass of wine, and a dollar bill next to it.
RORY: I’ve never had pudding from a crystal bowl before.
EMILY You like the bowl?
EMILY: Put a post-it on it when you’re done.
(Lorelai and Rory are putting post-its on on things in the living room.)
LORELAI: So what do we think of this?
RORY: Where would we put it?
LORELAI: I don’t know. The Emily and Richard Gilmore Psycho Museum?
RORY: This is the strangest evening I’ve ever spent here.
EMILY: So, how’s it going?
LORELAI: Great, just getting ready for the big day.
EMILY: Very nice.
LORELAI: So, um, it’s getting late, Mom. Unless you’ve got some funeral plots for us to decorate we should really be going.
EMILY: Any special requests for dinner next week?
RORY: Oh, well —
LORELAI: Mom, I want to talk to you for a minute, and Rory, why don’t you go say goodbye to Grandpa…
RORY: Very smooth.
(Rory leaves the room.)
EMILY: Should I sit down?
LORELAI: Yeah, but not there, OK? We got a post-it on that. We’d like to keep it nice.
EMILY: It must be very exhausting to be you.
LORELAI: Mom, Rory’s birthday is next Friday.
EMILY: I know that.
LORELAI: So we were thinking that maybe we could push our dinner next week to Saturday.
EMILY: What are you going to do on Friday?
LORELAI: Oh I don’t know.
EMILY: Well perfect. You’ll come here and we’ll have a little party.
LORELAI: I was just hoping we could do it another night.
EMILY: Well why come on another night when her birthday falls on the exact night that you do come here.
LORELAI: Saturday’s a pretty good night, Mom.
EMILY: Not as good as Friday.
LORELAI: Pretty damn close.
EMILY: Not from where I’m standing.
LORELAI: Well, move then.
EMILY: I’m sorry. Friday nights are my nights. That’s what we agreed on when you borrowed money for her school. The rules haven’t changed.
LORELAI: Mom, I didn’t intend for this loan to become a constant source of blackmail, OK? Now this is my kid’s birthday and she will have her party at home on Friday and that’s it? End of story.